If you were wondering what it feels like to exercise inside a fan-assisted oven, just ask the crew who headed out to the Deadly Dozen this past Saturday. It turns out “Deadly” wasn’t a marketing slogan — it was a weather forecast.

While we spend our mornings at the box complaining that the fans aren’t on high enough, Saturday was a reminder that the JHB sun has a personal vendetta against anyone running, lunging, and bear crawling around the UJ stadium.

The “Glow” vs. The “Melt”

We went in looking like athletes; we came out looking like human lollipops that had been left on the pavement. The strategy for the day quickly shifted from “break the hour mark” to “find a patch of shade that doesn’t require a 400 m sprint.”

The highlights included:

• The Running: Less of a sprint and more of a hallucination-fuelled shuffle toward the next station.
• The Hydration: Realising that water turns to tea approximately four minutes after being poured.
• The Camaraderie: That special bond you form with a stranger when you’re both staring at a kettlebell and questioning every life choice that led to this moment.

Survival of the Funniest

Despite the heat being somewhere between lava and the surface of the sun, the ATG spirit was on full display. Yes, there were some impressive finishes (some of us even ended with PBs while looking for the exit), but the real win was the collective refusal to quit.

We train in the box so that when the world decides to turn up the thermostat to 35°C, we can still move through 12 rounds of heavy stuff without completely evaporating.

Huge shout-out to everyone who survived the sizzle. Next time, can we vote for an event held in cooler temperatures and maybe a little earlier in the day?